One of Wrocław’s most popular, memorable and iconic attractions is not a cathedral, not a castle or monument, but a legion of little people: Gnomes, or ‘krasnale’ (in local parlance), to be precise. In Wrocław’s city centre these merry munchkins are simply ubiquitous, dotting doorways, alleyways and street corners, constantly underfoot but seldom seen by the unobservant. You may well overlook the first dozen or so that cross your path, but inevitably – and often literally - you will stumble upon these popular local residents. Keep your eyes peeled and you’re bound to notice the little fellas engaged in a variety of activities about town – from guarding public space to passed-out drunk. Beloved by locals and tourists alike, and the object of more photos than the towering Cathedral, these prolific pranksters have become the unlikely symbol of one of PL’s most picturesque cities.
Life is too hard. And today was too much for me and I just can’t stand it anymore.
I can’t even put into words how much I hate my life and myself. Nothing makes me happy anymore. Even my biggest hobbies, my most beloved band. They don’t make me happy. At all. They don’t make me feel anything.
I feel like I’m done here, like ending this would be the best solution, because, no matter what I do, no matter how hard I try, it always feels like I’m taking one step forward in my life, and then stumble back three steps.
Today I was thinking of really ending it. When the train that takes me home from work neared the platform I really felt ready for a few seconds. I dropped my bag on the ground and wanted to jump. I don’t know why I didn’t, but now I regret not doing it.
My thoughts are in total chaos all the time and I just can’t stop wondering how much longer I can do this. I’m not skinny enough (not even close), not smart enough, not pretty enough, just not good enough for people to at least like me a little for longer than a few months before they leave because they don’t need me anymore. They don’t see how much they hurt me with their words even when if it’s meant just as a joke. Even my own mother, when she calls me ugly, I know (hope) she’s just joking, but every time she says it, it feels like I’m being stabbed repeatedly. But I never say anything and just hide in my room and try to stop crying like a baby (even though I’m almost 25). Every other person in my family is just so great and pretty and smart and just oh so perfect and yet, not even one person can talk positively about me. And I can’t stand it. I cannot fucking stand it anymore and I feel like I’m about to break and I don’t even have an imaginary friend to talk to. I just want to hurt myself so bad for being so imperfect I just want to die,. I just want it to end. I want to be left alone and stop being accused of things I don’t do and stop being called things I want to believe I am not.